greek artist 1: hey so i’m painting a child right greek artist 2: yeah greek artist 1: so they’re basically like tiny men right?? greek artist 2: yeah pretty much
greek artist 1: okay so you know how you told me to paint a guy riding a big cock because people like that greek artist 2: yeah? greek artist 1: i’m not sure i did it right greek artist 2: what do you- oh. hmmm
greek artist 1: hey when women plant gardens what do you think they like to plant greek artist 2: dicks, usually greek artist 1: oh
greek artist 1: alright so i’m doing this battle scene and i was just wondering, what do soldiers usually ride into battle, is it horses or greek artist 2: dolphins, actually greek artist 1: even if they’re foot soldiers? greek artist 2: yeah
greek artist 1: hey so like how should i show Achilles’ extreme grief tho
The Ancient, Fierce Celtic Women & the Romans who fought them.
“Here the women met them holding swords and axes in their hands. With hideous shrieks of rage they tried to drive back the hunted and the hunters. The fugitives as deserters, the pursuers as foes. With bare hands the women tore away the shields of the Romans or grasped their swords, enduring mutilating wounds.”
-Plutarch
“A Celtic woman is often the equal of any Roman man in hand-to-hand combat. She is as beautiful as she is strong. Her body is comely but fierce. The physiques of our Roman women pale in comparison.”
-Unidentified Roman Soldier
“The women of the Gauls are not only like men in their great stature, but they are a match for them in courage as well.“
-Diodorus Siculus
“The women of the Celtic tribes are bigger and stronger than our Roman women. This is most likely due to their natures as well as their peculiar fondness for all things martial and robust. The flaxen haired maidens of the north are trained in sports and war while our gentle ladies are content to do their womanly duties and thus are less powerful than most young girls from Gaul and the hinterlands.”
-Marcus Borealis
whole band of foreigners will be unable to cope with one [Gaul] in a fight, if he calls in his wife, stronger than he by far and with flashing eyes; least of all when she swells her neck and gnashes her teeth, and poising her huge white arms, begins to rain blows mingled with kicks, like shots discharged by the twisted cords of a catapult.”
-Ammianus Marcellinus
Real talk though, in a college history course the professor was covering the Celts and he asked the class why the Romans were so terrified of the Celts and the class was like “uhhhhh” and he asked me to stand up and come to the front of the class and said “because class, they were all like this, but bigger. Do you want to fight her one on one? Two on one? Do you think, if you all jumped her, that it would end well for any of you? no? well how about a goddamn army ofher and her brothers” and that might have been one of the most flattering things anyone has ever said to me
The Carving Witch 