Irony at its finest

When a lot of kids are little a big thing is like “When I grow up, I’m going to be PRESIDENT” or “I’m gonna be a king/queen!”. When I was little I recognized that power meant responsibility and I was like fuck that shit, when I grow up I’m going to go into the woods and be an animal

23 years later I manage an entire store and everyone comes to me with their bitching and stupid bullshit and when something goes wrong everyone looks to me to fix it, when I’m as clueless as the next person because I’ve literally been there a month

I’m so glad that it’s monday (sorry Monday to friday, 9-5rs) because today is my friday. Finally, sleep cometh soon

Nothing like dealing with a customer who makes you want to cry and throw up. A+ work day. I’m about to manually kill someone

So today I’m sorting through the damages bin, which no one likes to do except for me, because it’s in the secluded back room and is quiet and actually pretty calming. And I come across something, so I press the comm button and say into my headset:

“Hey guys, I’m doing damages and I just came across a decorative key that says “joy” and it’s broken in half. #relatable.”

From inside the office, I hear my boss crack a rib from laughing so hard

I left my store keys at home this morning. You know…the ones that give me access to every single lock in the place, including the front doors that I have to close tonight. Fuuuuuuck

One of my cashiers came in today for his 5 to closing shift and asked me who the closing manager was today, and when I told him it was me he did a little fist pump and went “yes!”

I’m the cool mom™

My literal favorite part of my job is doing the “You have fifteen(ect) minutes, get the fuck out of my store” closing announcements; lately my coworkers have been telling me that I have a lot of emotion in my voice, or that I sound really cute, and I’m just like

The best part of the huge pockets in my work vest is that I can conceal whole damn copy of The Hobbit

The store is DEAD and we have done all the returns/straightening…..there is literally nothing to do until closing….ugghhhh

I’m so sick someone help. My GM left and thank gods we close early tonight so I’m just sort of hiding out in the office right now while it’s nice and quiet. A few more hours and I get a three day weekend after this

I’m gonna buy soup on my way home and then go to bed with netflix