So this older man and his wife go to church every Sunday. And every Sunday, halfway through the sermon, the husband falls asleep. It’s kind of a running gag in the congregation, but the wife is really embarrassed by it.
So one Sunday, determined to put an end to this nonsense, she puts a hatpin in her purse and sneaks it into the pew. The service progresses, the preacher starts in on his sermon, and sure enough, the man starts to nod. The woman steathily takes out the hatpin….
And just as the preacher is saying, “And He who divided the light from the dark and created the heavens and the earth…” the man leaps out of the pew and yells at the top of his lungs, “GOD ALMIGHTY!”
“Right you are, my son!” says the preacher proudly. The man looks confused and sits back down. The sermon goes on, and a few minutes later, the man starts to nod off again. Out comes the hatpin….
And just as the preacher is saying, “And He who died for our sins and rose again upon the third day…” the man leaps out of the pew and screams, “JESUS CHRIST!”
“Right you, are my son!” says the preacher. The man looks more disgruntled than confused this time, and he sits down, eyeballing his wife.
The sermon goes on, and a few minutes later, it looks like the man’s head is starting to droop. The wife reaches into her purse….
And just as the preacher is saying, “And Eve said unto Adam after the birth of their ninety-ninth child…” the man pre-emptively jumps out of the pew and hollers, “IF YOU STICK THAT GODDAMN THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I’M GONNA BREAK IT IN HALF!”
Whenever the topic of abortion comes up in my conservative Christian community, the inevitable response is, “Why don’t they just give it up for adoption?” I was raised with a halcyon vision of adoption being the most beautiful miracle that could emerge from an unintended pregnancy. Newborn adoption can be a wonderful blessing for many people. It is not, however, the perfect alternative to abortion that I had believed it was.
A significant increase in the number of people placing children for adoption would soon exhaust the supply of would-be adopters. As of 2002, only 614,000 people under age 45 had ever completed an adoption. Only a minority of these people adopted American newborns. Most adopted from foster care, from a relative, from a new spouse with children, or from other countries. If every person who got an abortion last year placed the child for adoption instead, the backlog of those looking to adopt would be wiped out in less than a year.
Adoption is expensive. Not just to the adopters, who must pay between $10,000 and $25,000 in the US to adopt a newborn, but to those placing a child as well. While placing a child for adoption is usually free, lost wages, loss to education, and health risks from pregnancy must be paid for.
Pregnancy can have a wide variety of negative health consequences including anemia, UTI’s, hypertension, diabetes, morning sickness, hemorrhoids, yeast infections, placental previa, placental abruption, preeclampsia, depression, and anxiety, in addition to the significant physical danger presented by childbirth.
Deciding to put a child up for adoption doesn’t save pregnant people from having their lives endangered by pregnancy. It doesn’t make the pregnancy symptom-free so that the pregnant person never has to miss a day of work. It doesn’t allow the baby to teleport out of the uterus at the end of gestation, saving the pregnant person from the experience of childbirth and having to take time off work to heal.
Having a child taken back by a birth parent who changes their mind is unspeakably painful for would-be adoptive parents. One woman I talked to described it as “the closest thing I’ve experienced to the death of a child.” Another woman had a baby girl taken back from her fifteen years ago. She said it still stung.
Most important, many people just don’t want to be pregnant. They could have tokophobia, or they could have prescriptions for medications that are inadvisable to take while pregnant, or they could have a job that they would likely lose if they continued a pregnancy, or they could be in an abusive relationship and need to abort in order to protect themselves, or they could just not want a foreign entity growing inside of them for nine months. Adoption is an alternative to being a parent. It is not an alternative to being pregnant.
The availability of public funds or insurance coverage for an abortion varies from state to state and from country to country. Read up on your state’s policy about insurance coverage for abortion. Additionally, you can call and ask the abortion clinic if they take your insurance.
Crowdfunding
Crowdfunding websites that are confirmed to delete abortion fundraisers:
GiveForward – US, 7.9% fee + $0.30 per transaction
Crowdfunding with PayPal: set up an account under “medical funds,” then share it on social media. Post it on tumblr (tagged “abortion”) and in r/Assistance.
Women Help Women – all over the world except US, Canada, and some countries in western Europe
Women On Web – countries where abortion is illegal
Google “abortion funds” + your state/country
Abortion Clinics
Planned Parenthood and other clinics sometimes provide financial assistance or offer payment plans to low-income people seeking an abortion. Call your local clinic and ask about their financial assistance options.
Many abortion funds help with transportation to and from an in-clinic abortion appointment. Search abortion funds in your area to see if one of them can help you with transportation.
If you don’t want to let your parents know that you are getting an abortion, you can try to get a judicial bypass. This means that a judge can excuse you from the parental notification or consent requirement. Here is information about obtaining a judicial bypass for abortion.
You can also just google “abortion clinic near me” and contact some of these offices to ask for more information. This guide from the National Network of Abortion Funds can help you find a trustworthy clinic that provides all the services you’re looking for.
Crisis Pregnancy Centers
DO NOT contact any place called a “crisis pregnancy center,” “pregnancy resource center,” or “pregnancy care center”. These fake “clinics” are run by medically unqualified pro-lifers who spread lies about abortion. More information on CPC’s: [x][x][x]
Questions To Ask The Clinic
Call the clinic (you can call anonymously) beforehand. Here are some questions to consider asking: [x]
Which abortion procedures do they offer?
Can your friend or parent come with you?
How many visits are required?
What is the procedure like?
What types of anesthesia are offered and who administers it?
(For medical abortion): What do they do if the medication doesn’t work?
What is the fee and what does it include?
Are all medications included?
Is all lab work included?
Is a follow-up included?
Is a method of birth control included?
Do they take insurance or Medicaid?
If they can’t take Medicaid (in many states they cannot), will they give you a discount?
Do they offer payment plans for abortions?
Can you get services at their office without your parents’ permission?
Can my parent/s have access to my records?
Will my parent/s see the bill?
Deciding On The Right Procedure
Medication Abortion
One medication (Mifepristone) is taken on first visit and one medication (Misoprostol) is taken 1-2 days later
Done up to 7-9 weeks
$300-$800, average cost is $490
1-2 visits + 1 follow-up visit
92-97% success rate
After-abortion bleeding for 13-16 days
Pregnancy passes at home
Avoids shots, anesthesia, instruments, or vacuum aspiration
It takes several days to end pregnancy
Cramping can be severe and lasts longer than with surgical abortion
Not good method if you are trying to conceal abortion
Suction Aspiration / Dilation & Curettage
Cervix is dilated before surgeon uses suction vacuum and/or a
loop-shaped curette instrument
to remove tissue from the uterus
Done up to 12 weeks
$300-$1000+ (depending on when it’s performed & what’s included), average cost is $450
1 visit + 1 follow-up visit
Over 99% success rate
After-abortion bleeding for 9-14 days
Quick, predictable, and over in a few minutes
Less cramping and less bleeding than medical abortion
A doctor must insert instruments inside the uterus
Anesthesia (local or general) may cause side effects
Dilation & Evacuation
Similar to D&C, but involves the additional use of other surgical instruments such as forceps
Done at 12-24 weeks
$900-$1500+ (depending on when it’s performed & what’s included)
Find a provider, get a quote, and start saving money. The longer you wait, the more expensive it will be.
Depending on where you go and how busy they are, it could take up to 5 hours of waiting. You will need to take the day off from work or schedule your appointment for a Saturday.
You don’t need to tell the person who impregnated you about your abortion. If you two have a good relationship, then you may want to talk about it and get their opinion, but, ultimately, it is your body, and the other person has no right to tell you what to do with your body.
If you’re getting a surgical abortion, you won’t be allowed to drive home. Be sure to have a form of transportation prepared in that case.
DO NOT google “abortion stories.” Most of the results are pro-life propaganda. I collected a list of positive abortion stories to help set your mind at ease, if you need it.
Pregnancy sucks. Focus on making sure you’re comfortable, well-rested, and hydrated in the days before your procedure. However, if you’re getting a surgical abortion, be sure to stop eating or drinking anything by midnight the day before.
What to Have
A bunch of overnight pads, non-scented
Comfy, cotton “granny panties” and comfy pants/trousers
Over-the-counter pain pills, like Tylenol
Nausea medication, if you’re having a medical abortion
Treats for eating after your procedure
Food for an upset stomach. Dark chocolate and tea.
Electric heating pads, hot water bottles, microwavable bean bags, etc.
A good book, movies, or Netflix queue for being stuck indoors
Emotional Support
If you can, bring someone–your partner, a friend, a family member–with you. If you don’t have anyone for emotional support, contact AR Emotional Support. These are volunteers who may be able to call or text you before and/or immediately after the procedure for support.
The Day Of
Passing the Protesters
Some abortion clinics have escorts out front, usually in bright blue vests, who will help you get into the clinic if you are lost or there are people protesting.
If you have to run the gauntlet of protesters, keep your head up, your shoulders back, and don’t say anything. Don’t make eye contact. Keep your face flat and neutral. You are getting a legal medical procedure from a licensed physician. You have no obligation to give your attention to these people.
Many “sidewalk counselors” try to offer you chocolate because “you appear stressed.” Don’t eat or drink anything they give you, or you will have to miss your procedure. Also, many protesters will try to get you to go into the crisis pregnancy center next door, which will cause you to miss your appointment.
Some protesters film people going into the clinic and then post the videos online. If this is the case at your clinic, shitantichoiceprotesterssay has some advice:
Have someone drop you off at the door. You can wear glasses, hat, and ear buds. Have that person park away from the clinic, then have them walk back, also in a similar disguise. Also FILM THE PROTESTERS. If they are going to film you, film them right back. Heck, post it online. Shame them, just like they are trying to shame you and other clients. Also call your local police (on the non-emergency number and file a harassment report) , the ACLU (there should be a local rep for your state), and the DOJ/FBI (this is the internet TIP line for FACE Act violations)
The Procedure
An abortion will usually consist of a blood test, a urine test, a counseling session (to make sure you really want this and you’re not being pressured into it), an ultrasound, anesthesia/sedation (depending on if you’re getting a surgical abortion and if you chose local or general anesthesia), and then the procedure. If you’re getting a medical abortion, you’ll take the first pill at the clinic, and it will take a couple minutes tops; if you’re getting a surgical abortion, the procedure will take 5-20 minutes, depending on how far along you are. Abortions are never easy or fun, but they’re usually not that bad.
After An Abortion
If you had an abortion and you don’t want the people you’re living with to know, spend the night at a close friend’s house or at a hotel, especially if you had a medical abortion. If you’re at home, it will be hard to hide the cramps and/or large blood clots.
Plan to rest for the rest of the day after the procedure and probably the day after. The cramps and discharge will ease up relatively quickly, but if you had a medication abortion, the nausea will likely take a few more days.
Avoid alcohol, since it won’t play well with other drugs.
Don’t plan on having vaginal sex, playing sports, or doing heavy lifting for at least two weeks.
What you feel is what you should feel, but don’t beat yourself up about it. Anyone, at any age, can have their contraception fail on them or even forget contraception. You’re not a screw-up, and you’re not the first person it’s happened to.
If you are being abused, call the National Domestic Abuse Line at 1-800-799-7233 or for sexual assault/incest, call 1-800-656-4673 to get the help you need.
You are not a whore or a murderer. You did what you had to do to give yourself a better future. It is your body and your choice.
Medical Records
Your abortion will not go on your medical records if you don’t want it to. However, in the future, you should probably be honest with your gynecologist about having had an abortion so they know your full medical history and can take the best care of you. If there’s a good reason for them not to know, you can say you had a miscarriage.
In the US, abortions are federally tax-deductible. Your preferred method of birth control, vasectomy, and the copay of your annual physical exam are all tax-deductible as well. Keep your receipt!
Doing A Safe Self-Abortion
If you’re under 9 weeks pregnant and have no available options for getting an abortion from a clinic, you can perform one yourself at home using pills.
You may need to talk to someone about your abortion, but you may not have anyone safe you can talk to or anyone who understands. Below is a list of resources for resolving your feelings after an abortion.
The Carving Witch 