aggressivedevotions:

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT HERMES

HERMES IS A TROLL

A CLASSY TROLL

HERMES WILL TEASE AND POKE YOU AND DRIVE YOU NUTS

AND MAKE YOU LOVE HIM FOR IT

BECAUSE HE’S A CHARMING ROGUE LIKE THAT

HE’S THE GOD OF TRADE AND MERCHANTS

BUT ALSO THIEVES, BECAUSE IRONY

HE’S THE MESSENGER OF THE GODS

AND LETS HUMANS KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

SO HE’S BASICALLY YOUR BEST BRO

THE WORD ANGEL EXISTS BECAUSE OF HIM

BECAUSE IT MEANS MESSENGER AND HE’S THE MESSENGER GOD

AND WHEN WE DIE HE LEADS OUR SOULS TO THE UNDERWORLD

SO WE DON’T GET LOST AND HAUNT PEOPLE OR WHATEVER

HE’S REAL CLEVER TOO

ONE TIME THIS GUY ARGOS WITH A THOUSAND EYES

(NOT A GOOD LOOK FOR ANYONE)

IMPRISONED ZEUS’S COW LOVER

(NO REALLY SHE WAS A COW AT THE TIME)

SO HERMES LULLED HIM TO SLEEP

AND NOW ARGOS’S EYES ARE ON THE PEACOCK

INSTEAD OF IN HIS HEAD

AND HERMES IS THE GOD OF LANGUAGE AND WRITERS

SO IF YOU THINK YOU CAN WRITE

YOU’D BETTER THANK HIM

GIVE HIM SOME FRANKINCENSE

AND COINS

HE LOVES SPARE CHANGE

AND JUST GENERALLY BE A PRETTY COOL PERSON

BECAUSE HE’S MORE LAIDBACK AND CHILL THAN HIS FAMILY

EXCEPT FOR THAT WHOLE AWKWARD COWSTEALING INCIDENT

BUT IT’S OKAY

HE APOLOGIZED TO APOLLO FOR THAT

EVENTUALLY

~KATHRYN

(THERE NOW STOP SULKING HERMES)