Roommate: What’s his name, Ralf Lauren?
Me: ITS KYLO REN

Me: *very sleepily* What time is it?
The boy: Its six seventy.
Me: Okay.
The Boy:
Me:
Me: ……..that’s not a real time

Tfw you fit into your boyfriend’s cool new jacket

IM SCREAMING LOOK WHAT @nerdeebirdee GOT ME

All my essentials come in tubes
Not shown: my little battery bank

I have watched Star Wars I-VI at least twice since Christmas

There is no cure. Run

My friend came over to help us finish some alcohol before the end of the quarter, but she’s a lightweight

So I end up taking care of her, which I do not mind at all

I
make us some mac and cheese and she gets emotional over her bowl which
was honestly kind of cute until The Boy walked in and she decided to be
satan

she points to me and yells “SHE’S SO SWEET, PUT A RING ON IT”, at which point I had to tackle her

And that’s the story of how I almost killed my best female friend.