A Series of Unfortunate Events comes out on The Boy and my first date anniversary lol. popcorn time

I am far from a pacifist and believe in the order of nature, but I will go out of my way to make sure I don’t sweep up the house of or squish a spider the size of the head of a colored sewing pin

My brother’s visiting with his new girlfriend in a couple of days and it’s my day off/my dad is on vacation so of course its deep clean time, and I’m doing the baseboards fussing like “Oh my god I’m so sorry” to all the little spiders. Trying to get rid of grime and cobwebs, but leave all the occupied spider houses that I find so no one gets hurt. scurry scurry

“Bitch you better run” starter pack

Coffin shaped cardboard boxes
war water
taglocks
Hollow plastic skull with a hole to stuff shit in

I’m pretty sure my mom’s been going through my personal stuff in my room like my drawers and boxes

Look at my tiny plant child that I illegally downloaded

I spend my whole day going myself outside of my comfort zone to please strangers, no, mom, I don’t want to fucking have breakfast with my brother’s new girlfriend. I don’t care. I don’t want to get up early before a full retail shift to pretend to be besties with a stranger. I want to be half naked and grumpy in my own house, alone, eating cereal, up at a normal hour before work. Like a normal person.

But then again I could use the opportunity to tell her what a horrible person my brother is and to run, run as far as she can

I’m getting my laundry done. This is bigger than it sounds and has been put off for longer than it should have been- especially the linens ¶∆

Irony at its finest

When a lot of kids are little a big thing is like “When I grow up, I’m going to be PRESIDENT” or “I’m gonna be a king/queen!”. When I was little I recognized that power meant responsibility and I was like fuck that shit, when I grow up I’m going to go into the woods and be an animal

23 years later I manage an entire store and everyone comes to me with their bitching and stupid bullshit and when something goes wrong everyone looks to me to fix it, when I’m as clueless as the next person because I’ve literally been there a month

Tried manually explainimating spongecakegate to my catholic boyfriend