Don’t tell anyone in my family that I put ketchup on my arroz con frijoles- my abuelo is already spinning in his grave and we don’t want him to rise

Zombie grandpa jokes at work

Punk isn’t dead, it rose after three days

That trust fall thing that dogs do where they lean themselves against your leg while you’re petting them, reblog if you agree

I got a grownass woman to lick a lamp at work today

You, an intellectual: William Shakespeare
Me, a dumbass: Bobert Tremblestick

I’m cleaning my room and all the little tiny spiders are like “D8 WHY ARE YOU MOVING MY HOUSE”

Nabil stop touching the baby, you’re supposed to be cashiering

My boss over the radio

Yeah, I don’t have a walkie…couldn’t find one. If you have a message leave it at 1800-idont-care

My boss over the PA system this morning before store open

Overheard on the radio today at work around lunch time

“Yeah, some guy just called, he wanted to know our menu.”

I work at a craft store

I was looking for hi cal recipes this morning and came across this little gem….