Tag: fuck ohio so much

Fuck you, Ohio drivers

Road rage is the absolute worst; it knows neither logic nor reason. I’ve had people fucking follow me to scream at me; one time we stopped at a stop light and I locked my doors because I was pretty sure they were going to get out of their car. Today I had some lady scream at me for being on my cell phone while I was walking across the cross walk. Like…chill??? I used to run away but I’m starting to just give people the finger and continue with my day. What are they going to do, chase me down? Oh no, you’re fulfilling one of my cynical millennial death wishes, can’t have that

Coming to you live from Ohio: MORE FUCKING SURPRISE SPIDERS

I swear to god I’m walking outside and this thing the size of a nickle divebombs me from a tree. I’ve just woken up and am playing Pokemon Go (another post to come) on my way to go get caffeine and I’m wearing a jumper.

The jumper part is important for two reasons. One: Cleavage. I have lots of it, so there’s a nice big gap and the thin fabric of this piece make it look like a nice little hidey hole tent from above, I’m sure. Two: a jumper is a one piece. Meaning a shirt, I could untuck, do a couple of flaps, and it’s gone. A jumper…well…

So this big spider jumps down my cleavage. I, unprepared, scream. Feeling it in my clothes, I scream some more. Attempting to get it out but not really able to because I’m wearing a one piece but I’m wiggling everywhere making half breathy screaming noises yep that was my morning.

I got a quarter second flash of what it looked like before it was down my trousers but I hate I HATE I HATE that Ohio has spiders like it’s got a fucking captive breeding program for them Jesus Christ. Like, I’m okay with them, I’m okay with catch and release, but the spontaneous flying attacks onto second base are over the line

*directs megaphone towards the Hellenic Pantheon* WHO HERE BESIDES ATHENA IS RESPONSIBLE FOR SPIDERS AND CAN WE WORK OUT A DEAL?