pamelaislee:

my dream is to become a knight and go to rescue a princess. there is a dragon guarding the castle. she yells no men allowed! I take off my helmet. “I am no man!” the dragon let’s me in. I find the princess. she asks me what took so long. I say “the systemic oppression of women kept me from achieving the rank of knight sooner, my princess.” she laughs. I became a knight for her. she knows this because we were lovers before she was trapped in this castle. she told her dragon friend to whisk her away so that she wouldn’t have to marry a man. she left me a letter that said “become a knight and come find me my love. only then can we be wed.” this is because of the law where if you rescue a princess from a dragon castle you get to marry her. I ask “how am I supposed to find her?” I flip the letter over. it says: “I went to the castle where we first banged.” I know exactly where to go. because it’s my castle. I am the queen of the neighboring kingdom. also a knight. also sexy. we get married. we unite the kingdoms. we both carry swords at all times.

And that’s my lesbian fantasy.

ravehclaw:

band: sings about being in love
me: can’t relate
florence + the machine: sings about being a big tall tree and watching as the world ends and becoming an omnipresent goddess who lives in the woods with her dryad brethren
me, with tears in my eyes: me too florence me too

melchiorgabor:

yesterday my first table at work was 4 complete shitholes who yelled at me twice before i even took their food order and almost made me cry. before they ate, they all bowed their heads to pray.

so on the top of their receipt i wrote “hebrews 13:2″ and they went WILD. they LOVED IT. they tipped me over 20% for my “education fund”.

hebrews 13:2 is “do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it”, and i really hope they got home and looked it up and realized that i am, in fact, a petty fucking bitch