You discover that your garbage disposal is really the mouth of an eldritch monster. However, you realize this as you reach inside of it to recover your wedding ring.
“No no no no no!” I fumble for my ring as it teeters on the edge of the drain. “Oh come on!” I exclaim as it tips sideways and disappears. I had taken it off and placed it safely to the side of he sink while I worked, I don’t even know how it got knocked into the sink. Grumbling to myself I roll up my sleeves, make a face, and shove my hand into the garbage disposal.
“Give that back,” I mutter to myself as I feel around, blindly searching for my ring.
“WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME FOR IT, MORTAL?”
I look around, no one else is in the room. I lean as far to the side as I can, still keeping my hand in the drain, craning my neck for a glance at the TV in the next room. It’s not on. I glance at my phone, still playing the podcast I had started when I started to work.
“I SAID, WHAT WILL YOU GIVE ME FOR IT, MORTAL?” Yup, the voice was definitely coming from the drain.
“How can you speak so clearly with my hand in your mouth?” I ask the garbage disposal?
“I WILL GIVE YOU BACK YOUR….. WAIT? WHAT DID YOU SAY?”
“I asked how you can speak so clearly with my hand in your mouth.” I reach further down the drain, I had just felt something round and metal “This isn’t telepathy,” I continue, “I’m hearing you with my ears, not my brain. But you enunciation is perfect..”
“WHY AREN’T YOU SCREAMING” the voice interrupts me. “USUALLY THE MORTALS SCREAM WHEN I ADDRESS THEM THE FIRST TIME.”
“Buddy,” I say pulling my hand out of the drain to wipe on my apron, “Think about what I’ve put down this drain today. I have to guess you’ve been eating it.”
There’s a faint grinding, unsurprising like a garbage disposal chewing through kitchen scraps.
“YARROW, MUGWORT, MOSTLY THE STALKS, SOME LEMON RINDS, AND A WHOLE LOT OF SALT…..DAMNIT, ARE YOU A WITCH?”
I chuckle, “You caught on faster than the thing in the basement. Took it years to figure out why I said hi to it every time I went down to do laundry. You’re welcome to stay, but I need to finish this spell and I would like my ring back.”
“WHAT WILL YOU GI…” The drain thing starts to ask again, before I cut if off.
“Dude I’ve been feeding you, and I just offered you a place in my home. Give me back my ring.” I hold my hand out palm flat, waiting.
“FINE.” And with that my ring shoots out of the drain to land neatly on my palm.
“Thank you.” I say as I head back to my work table, slipping the ring back on my finger.
“DO YOU HAVE ANY MORE OF THOSE LEMON RIDS?” my new house mate asks. “THEY WERE TASTY.”
“I’ll have a few more in a little bit, be patient.”
Perfect. I want the rest of this story.
Published
The Carving Witch 