Why is it that every werewolf book is this weird testosterone fueled alpha male/female romance thing?
Like guys. Werewolves are family groups. They are basically big ol’ dog families. Your werewolf family wouldn’t be made up of alpha males fighting each other for dominance and subjugating females.
If there was a werewolf in your neighborhood, they’d be that family of 10 kids always roughhousing outside and their house is the one all the neighborhood kids go to hang out at because Mr. Werewolf and Mrs. Werewolf are the Cool Parents that their kids find really embarrassing.
“Wait…Emily? Aren’t she and her whole family…you know?”
“Don’t believe everything you’ve heard; worst thing that’s ever happened over there is the twins teething on visitors’ shoes.”
Here’s the thing, though.
While the notion of the “alpha wolf” is indeed misguided, being based on observations of wolves in captivity, the dominance thing does happen. And it’s not just the adult males; adult females do it too – but it’s only a thing when wolves who aren’t related by blood end up sharing a habitat.
So consider: by some happenstance, two unrelated werewolf families end up living across the street from one another. Of course they’re not going to start brawling in the streets – they’re civilised people, after all – but that urge to show the other pack who’s boss comes out in other ways, resulting in the two clans getting, like, weirdly competitive about everything.
Imagine the Hallowe’en displays.
Are you trying to tell me that the most hardcore ride-or-die PTA mothers are probably actually werewolves?
“We’re settling this through the old ways, Helen.”
“Spiked silver chains on the night of the blood moon?”
“The spring bake sale, Helen. Turn it down a notch.”
“Fine. But when they taste my lemon squares you’re going to wish we’d gone with the silver chains, Jessi.”
Meanwhile, across the room.
“You know what I like doin’ Rob?”
“What’s that Bill?”
“Peeing out of doors.”
“Me too, Bill. But I thought you just married into the whole werewolf thing.”
“I’m just making conversation, Rob.”
I like it. The house inbetween their two houses is owned by a vampire family who deliberately fuel the fire because they like to watch the drama. (What? Just because you’re not allowed to kill werewolves anymore, doesn’t mean you can’t have fun with them.)
“Oh, hi Helen. Putting up the Christmas decorations, I see?”
“Yep, this light show’ll make this our best Christmas display yet.”
“Oh great! You know the Johnsons have got lifesize singing reindeer as part of their display.”
Helen’s perfectly manicured nails grow another two centimetres. “Oh they have, have they? Oh is that the time! I’m sorry Lilith, I’ve just got to go and pick something up from the shops.” She returns three hours later with six reindeer and a giant inflatable Father Christmas. Lilith runs off to tell the neighbours.
Let Me Talk About Werewolves for a Second
Published
The Carving Witch 