bless me, father
for i have sinned.

my existence is abomination
in the eyes of the church
where i first met you.
forgive me
if i turn my back on those
who say you love me
and then spit on my face.
my fists are bloody from punching
too many walls
to swallow hatred without being forced.

i will not love you like they tell me to.
i will not love the you they say you are.
european features.
homophobic antisemitic racist sexist.
always and forever male.
this cannot be the same deity
who said to love thy neighbor
i either will not accept this
or i will not accept you.

but Y O U
you, i am learning to love again
in what my mother and priest would say are all the wrong ways.
i love you wanting, and giving,
and small, and large, and human, and M O R E
always M O R E
there are no words to capture the fullness of Y O U.
but L O V E— 
love
comes very, very close.

and so,
forgive me father,
mother,
who or whatever YOU are.
forgive me for my shaking hands
and the fact i will not kneel again.
i will love YOU standing tall,
head high,
proud of who i am.
i will love YOU
the way YOU taught me to:
by loving those around me.
by loving
myself.