THERE IS A FUCKING SNAKE GOD IN YOUR FUCKING HOUSE
I MEAN FUCK
WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO BE SNAKES
OKAY INDY I’LL TELL YOU FUCKING WHY
BACK IN THE OLDEN TIMES
PEOPLE DID NOT HAVE RAID AND EXTERMINATORS AND BUG BOMBS AND MOUSETRAPS AND SHIT
AND THEY DIDN’T HAVE ANY REFRIGERATORS OR FREEZERS OR ZIPLOCS OR TUPPERWARE
THEY KEPT THEIR NON-FUCKING-PERISHABLES IN A STOREROOM IN CLAY JARS
SO I MEAN
SHIT, MAN, ALL SORTS OF PESTS BE UP IN THAT
MICE
RATS
ROACHES
FUCKIN’ WEEVILS MAN
IT’S NOT GOOD OKAY
SO
THEY KEPT SNAKES IN THEIR STOREROOMS TO TAKE CARE OF THOSE FUCKERS
AND IT WORKED
SO THEY WORSHIPPED THE SNAKE AS A GOD BECAUSE IT PROTECTED THEIR STUFF
AND THAT’S WHAT THE AGATHOS DAIMON DOES
HE PROTECTS YOUR SHIT
AND HELPS YOUR FAMILY HAVE HAPPINESS AND PROSPERITY AND ALL THAT FORTUNE COOKIE CRAP
ALSO HE MIGHT BE ZEUS KTESIOS
OR ZEUS MEILIKHIOS
OR MAYBE SOME OTHER GOD
WHO FUCKING KNOWS
NOT THE ARCHAEOLOGISTS THAT’S WHO
BUT ANYWAY SNAKE GODS HELP KEEP YOUR STUFF SAFE
SO OFFER THINGS LIKE MILK AND HONEY
UNMIXED WINE
WHO THE FUCK MIXES WINE ANYWAY?
THE ANCIENT GREEKS, FOOL
BECAUSE YOU’RE A BARBARIC FUCKING LUSH IF YOU DON’T MIX WINE
I MAY OR MAY NOT BE A BARBARIC FUCKING LUSH
BUT THAT’S A TANGENT
THE AGATHOS DAIMON LIKES SMALL AMOUNTS OF UNMIXED WINE
ESPECIALLY AT PARTIES
BECAUSE IF YOU’RE RICH ENOUGH TO THROW A FUCKING PARTY WITH FUCKING WINE BEING SERVED LIKE HOW MARSYAS GOT SERVED BY APOLLO
YOU’RE RICH ENOUGH TO HONOR THE AGATHOS DAIMON
SINCE HE’S THE ONE HELPING YOU STAY THAT RICH
MAYBE JUST FUCKING SAY HI OCCASIONALLY
AND BE NICE TO NON-POISONOUS SNAKES THAT SHOW UP ON YOUR PROPERTY
BECAUSE THAT’S THE A.D. SAYING HI
ALSO BECAUSE THEY’RE PART OF YOUR FUCKING ECOSYSTEM AND PROBABLY EAT STUFF YOU DON’T WANT AROUND
DUMBASS
I loved this from start to finish
New favorite blog
The Carving Witch 